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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24411193">a bullet pinned to my chest</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/VanityRuins/pseuds/VanityRuins'>VanityRuins</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>no more what ifs [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Persona 5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Feels, Kissing, M/M, they're bad at dealing with their feelings okay?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 05:28:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,324</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24411193</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/VanityRuins/pseuds/VanityRuins</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>And right then, in that dark alley with snow already falling around them he realized there was still some pieces of his heart left to shatter and he wasn't surprised that it was Goro Akechi the one stepping on them.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>no more what ifs [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1538182</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>70</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>a bullet pinned to my chest</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I got into the P5R hype again and decided to continue this. This one is before the fight against Maruki, I wanted to write something about the whole thing with Kasumi/Akira plot without making it a big thing. After this one I want to explore the bad ending, I have so much to write for this ship.</p><p>Title and lyrics below are from Rosalía's "Pienso en tu mira"</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div class="">
  <p>"What did José meant when he said about other beings watching us?" Ann said out loud, following Makoto and Haru's figures who were upstairs. Awaiting for the rest at the entrance of Mementos.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>It was a long, long day. They offered the child to show him more about the humans he wished to know, they weren't expecting a fight though. Everyone gave their best until, after a few hours, they managed to defeat José and now they were free to rest. The big, wide stairs at the entrance of Mementos seemed to extend forever, everyone's legs ached but the giggling and the conversations didn't stop.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>They knew the claws of their last deadline closed around their throats with every passing second but their laughter came out louder despite the pressure on their chests. It was a nice break to have before the storm.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Joker, do we go back?" Futaba jumped closer to Akira's position. He only nodded as he allowed her to start the navigation to pull them out of the Metaverse.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The cold air of the streets froze their noses, there wasn't any snow yet but it wasn't too wild to say it could start falling soon. The place was already empty, there weren't signs of people around despite the time shown on the station's clock. It made Akira feel some kind of peace because truth be told, he didn't enjoy big crowds.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Thank you everyone for your hard work!" Yoshizawa said, her head tilting to a side with a wide and honest smile. "I'm heading home now."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Wait!" Ann stopped her, "We can walk you home if you want! There's no need to go by yourself. It's safer if we stay together."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Since they refused to accept Maruki's reality, everyone tried to keep their not normal lives going as if nothing happened. Yoshizawa unexpectedly joined their team until they defeated the counselor and same went for Akechi who reminded them about their alliance being temporary over and over again.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>His friends welcomed them anyway. Akira made sure to talk to everyone about treating them as equals, mostly because of past events with certain detective which caused resentment in some of the thieves. Still, he wouldn't allow any kind of internal fight when something bigger than whatever they've faced before was ahead.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Uh, does anyone lives close to my home?" Yoshizawa's red hair danced around the night's wind.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>And despite not being an official member of their team, she adapted rather quickly. Akechi still roamed at the background, barely talking unless he had to and most of the times he focused on Akira. But Sumire seemed to steal the spotlight easily, her kind and resilient soul fit their spirits as if she were a thief since the beginning. Morgana even had him figuring out places to invite her after school a few nights ago.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Akira couldn't pick one, he wasn't even paying attention to him. He was too busy texting Akechi about Maruki's deadline, making plans about the palace and Futaba was crowding him with memes.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He just had different things on mind. He had someone else chained around his heart.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"I do!" Haru waved her hand, "Makoto and I are going to my place, you can come with us."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Thank you so much!" Yoshizawa smiled at them as they said goodbye to the group.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>They watched them walk away until Ryuji interrupted, he and Ann had to leave too. Yusuke joined them, letting Futaba, Akira, Akechi and Morgana at the entrance of the station.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Akira pulled out his phone, not in an attempt to escape the inevitable conversation about securing the treasure's route.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Not at all.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Do you want to stay for dinner, Akechi?" Futaba asked, there wasn't malice on her usually playful tone. Despite the recent events, she didn't hold any grudge against him. Akira wondered if it was because of his mother still being alive.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"I pass." Akechi mumbled, after José's fight he looked caught on his thoughts. There was something echoing in his mind, making Akira wonder what it was.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Akechi pulled out his phone too and walked a few steps away from them, allowing Akira to whisper to Futaba an idea he just got. When it came to the detective, having a plan didn't secure him a good result. He was unpredictable but Akira had an idea, a special craving moving around his brain right now, bouncing back and forth.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Oh," she smiled, "I will leave you two to talk then." Her voice came out louder now, her smile turning into laughter, "Mona! I challenge you!"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Morgana jumped on his place, "What?!"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Whoever arrives earlier to Leblanc wins all the sushi you can eat for a week!" She yelled before sprinting across the empty plaza, her tiny figure, only noticeable for her neon hoodie, disappeared in matter of seconds.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"No way! That's cheating!" Morgana took off after her, leaving Akira and a distanced Akechi by themselves.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Akira scrolled down his phone, his sight quickly catching on the detective who was doing the same as him. He could almost bet that whenever he looked at his screen, Akechi looked back at him. He hated it sometimes, their dance before one of them surrendered and said the first word.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He didn't like to be awake at 3 A.M. staring at the green dot next to Akechi's name, knowing he was staring at his too. After their reunion with Maruki, nobody talked about how their wish was to find the other again. The words filled Akira's throat when he tried to let them out whenever they were alone at Leblanc's, he didn't even know where to start.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Akechi was alive because he held onto their promise, Akira found him again because Akechi wished for them to fulfill their promise.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>It almost felt like one of those dramas Ann and Haru made him watch on rainy evenings, Morgana cuddling at their feet as Akira found himself overanalyzing every scene. Finding himself taking mental notes of the main love interest's words to their significant other. Wondering if he would get a kiss, a smirk or an eyeroll from the boy he had in mind.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He would probably get a kick on his knee.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The thought made him smile, his phone showing a picture Haru just took. Sumire and Makoto were posing together next to a store named Queen Violet.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"She adapts rather quickly."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Akechi's soft voice came from behind him, his chin brushed on Akira's shoulder as he peeked over him, staring at his phone.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Wow, personal space?" Akira joked as he tapped his screen twice, liking the post.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Don't be ridiculous," Akechi didn't move in fact, he came closer to the point of resting his chin on his shoulder. It made Akira tense and his stomach started revolting inside his body. "I could take that criticism from Sakamoto but not from you. The same person who pretends to sleep only to lay his head against my shoulder at Mementos."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"That only happened—"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Three times."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Ah, I see. I caused an impact on your heart, that's why you remember them." Akira smirked, he loved teasing him.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"I will make sure you pay me back for every single one of them." Akechi's hot breath against his skin almost made him shiver. He pretended he didn't hear his threat, as he kept scrolling down his feed.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>There were a lot of photographies from Ann who updated her account at least ten times everyday, Akira made sure to like every one of them. Akechi's chin on his shoulder and his head against his own alongside the quietness surrounding the station made his heart flutter. If only he were able to capture this moment; the feelings circulating inside his veins almost making him feel high.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Like I was saying," Akechi broke the silence pulling him back to reality, "Yoshizawa adapts rather quickly. Could it be because you're in the same school?" Akira shrugged, putting his phone back into his pocket. He didn't understand why Akechi was inquiring about her but he kind of had an idea though. Probably that was what he seemed to hide minutes later when he looked pensive. "I know her from before, she isn't the type of person to fit into a large group."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Sounds like someone I know."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Oh, shut up!" He pulled away and started walking, Akira followed him without a second thought. "I mean that she seems comfortable around you."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Aren't you comfortable around me?" The tiny pout he made with his lower lip didn't escape Akechi's sight. It almost made him giggle that he decided to ignore it.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Hell no, when I'm around you I feel..." He closed his mouth, lips pressed tight. "Nevermind. I don't want to talk about this."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Akira's smile spread like wildfire, he wanted to think that the slight blush on Akechi's cheeks wasn't an effect from the cold. The city slept with its lights on, some cars sleepwalked around disappearing into the night and bringing the comfortable silence again.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Akechi's eyes lurked the shadows, always cautious. It broke Akira's heart that even in a fantasy world created for their safety and happiness, he still had his walls up. He was always waiting for someone to strike him down like Shido did too many times, he knew these feelings weren't going to walk away easily but he hoped that someday Akechi could forget about them for at least a few hours.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Akira looked back at him, his words about Yoshizawa rolling around. His brain tried to catch the hint behind but he couldn't focus completely. His sight kept wandering to Akechi's hand being awfully close to his, their knuckles brushing each other everytime they made a step. He felt like a fool so, when their fingers almost tangled he jumped aside and pushed his glasses against his face.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Are you implying that Yoshizawa is faking being our friend?" He blurted like a nervous wreck. His eyes avoiding Akechi's face before he realized his real intentions.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Akechi let out a loud sigh, "You're insufferable. You know what I mean."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Nope."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He stared at the boy next to him, his nose looked red from the cold and his long hair gracefully moved along the wind, Akira's hair already looked like a nest; even more than before. Akechi looked back at him, his tired eyes reflecting the city lights around them. It took Akira a few more seconds to understand.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He let out a perplexed 'ah' making the other roll his eyes. He stopped on his tracks, he stared at Akechi who kept walking until he realized Akira wasn't following. He turned around, a hand on his hip, as he raised an eyebrow.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"How do you know that?" Akira played with his hair, two fingers twisting a curl as he focused his sight on his feet.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Her eyes." Akechi replied, his voice was crude. He let it out with a sharpshooter's precision.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"If it's because of how she looks at me that's probably you overthinking. I think she might like Yusuke." He joked, a half smile creeping on his face.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"It isn't that— How can you say she likes Yusuke?! She barely talks to him?!" Akira giggled at the exasperated questions.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He walked slowly to Akechi's position, almost like a cat coming closer to a bird except that this bird wasn't inoffensive. One bad move and he would be on the floor with a bullet on his head.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>It wouldn't be their first time.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Akira extended his hand in front of Akechi like he extended his gun against his forehead months ago, he received a disgusted expression that contradicted the fingers already tangling around his. The butterflies on his stomach remained the same as the ones he had that night in the interrogation room; weird but he should've known by then that the way Akechi made him feel wasn't just a common rivalry.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Akechi's hands were warm, he was always warm like an autumn evening. Akira's thumb made circles around his hand as they kept walking, their steps making their pace slower than before.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"It isn't good if something like that happens. Having that kind of feelings and feeding them everyday is a bad bet."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Akechi kept pushing the subject. It made Akira roll his eyes now. He pulled Akechi's hand inside his pocket silently, enjoying how the other's fingers closed around his.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"She might do something stupid. Creating romantic feelings and letting them mix with work never ends up well. There's always someone who let their heart take over their brain and ends up sacrificing themselves."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Stop shading yourself, Goro."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Akechi opened his mouth but closed it as soon as he realized his words. It took him a few minutes to find the perfect reply.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"I know better now."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Akira huffed, "She's okay. She will never do something dumb and we won't put her on the front line, she's not as strong as the others yet."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>They stayed in silence again as they walked into an alley. Neon illuminated their figures, Akechi's eyes gleamed under the bold red light contrasting with the blue ones buzzing next to Akira's head. He realized that wasn't all of it, he knew Akechi wouldn't bring it up unless he forced him to speak it up but he hated forcing him to express his feelings when he didn't want to.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The thing was they didn't have time to spare. He didn't want to waste any word, any moment, any feeling. He didn't want them to face Maruki next week and coming out of his palace never knowing what Akechi had in mind this night.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>So, he stopped on his tracks again but this time his hand tangled with the other boy's made him stop too. Akira looked right into his pretty vermillion eyes, letting his doubts walk out of his mouth before overthinking them way too much. "Were you worried for the team or because you're jealous?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Silence.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Akechi didn't let go of his hand but he felt like if he wanted to run far away from there like if the alley's walls were starting to shrink next to them. He just tightened his grip, letting him know he was there for him and that he couldn't escape.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>At least, not this time.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Akira... I don't know where I'm going after we defeat Maruki. The last thing I remember is fighting against myself in Shido's palace. I'm not jealous. I'm..."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>His voice started to crumble, Akira's eyes watered a little.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Afraid?" He inquired, trying to meet him halfway. Trying to help him express what he needed to say.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"I guess, I always feel anxious about the things I can't control." Akechi's hand was almost trembling against his, Akira's thumb rubbed against his skin. "After everything is done, life will resume and you..."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He paused again.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Akira thought his heart was untouchable until the moment he approached Shido to stop him from hurting a stranger woman, he was wrong. As his parents said goodbye to him at the station, he realized he was a burden to them; a crack appeared on the armor covering his chest.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>With every passing day since then, with every whisper in the classroom he felt the crack expanding alongside his loneliness. He convinced himself he was everything they said he was, taking his heart from beneath his ribs and hiding it under his sleeve, wishing for people to ignore the blood dripping down his hand.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He felt it pumping against him again, as his friends made their way into his life. Regardless, the bleeding didn't seem to end.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>That cursed day at Shido's palace he understood how it felt to be hollowed out. When the metallic door closed in front of his nose he felt the last drop crashing against the floor as the last bullet was shot.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>There wasn't any way of filling his heart up again.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He thought, like he always did, that this was it but then Maruki and his fake reality happened. Akechi walked to him in the middle of a crowd and he felt the beating again.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He should've known better; because he was wrong again. His heart was crumbling one more time. And right then, in that dark alley with snow already falling around them he realized there was still some pieces left to shatter and he wasn't surprised that it was Goro Akechi the one stepping onto them.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"I won't replace you, Goro."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Akira let out a long sigh. He pulled him closer shyly and hugged him, he could face the consequences of touching him without his permission later. He silently added a four to those three times Akechi counted.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>There were many things surrounding their relationship that made Akira understand what Akechi meant with just a few words; he liked to say it was a complicity. An unspoken pact between them, a shared connection going beyond their job. If he had to leave everything behind only to sit in hell with him, he would. It sounded selfish but he couldn't help it.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Their debts were long gone, they were even but still something lingered. The guilt about letting him to die in Shido's palace kept him awake at night and he had no way to express it; Akechi hated when someone felt pity for him so Akira kept his mouth shut and tried to mend it on his own.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Or at least, that's what he repeated to himself. That it was guilt. It could only be that because the other feeling sounded way too scary to actually admit it out loud inside his head. And after their current circumstances, it didn't make sense to keep it alive.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Maruki will be defeated, Akira will go back to his hometown and Akechi will be missing again. It wasn't fair at all.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"You deserve more than that. After everything is over, I will keep our promise." Akira whispered.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Akechi's head found a place against his neck as his arms covered his shoulders. "Are you stupid? Don't you want to move on?" He spit the words as poison against his skin like if he couldn't help it, like if he wanted to slap him back into reality. Akira pushed him even closer to his body.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"I'm fighting Maruki because it's your wish. Because you wouldn't forgive me if I don't."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>There were many things he wanted to say, so many words he wanted to add but they stopped against the knot on his throat.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He couldn't lie to himself and say he didn't like this reality. He tried so hard to mend the mistakes he made his whole life but still, he was never enough. And now that he finally found a quiet place to feel his hands less frozen again he realized they were covered in warm blood. Akechi's blood.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"You're pathetic." He replied, hands like claws sinking into his shoulder.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Akira only giggled, he could almost feel tears pushing their way out of his eyes. "Maybe," he took a step back and looked at the other boy with a broken smile, "but the truth is that I prefer living in a fake reality with you rather than one where I don't even know if you're alive."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Akechi's eyes were engulfed by rage, he pushed Akira away making him crash against the alley's wall with the same strength he used against shadows. The bricks were cold against his body despite the many layers of clothes, his breathing came out of his lungs in a sudden gasp. He didn't take his gaze out of the detective though; his eyes, barely covered by his messy hair, focused on the other's menacing figure.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Don't you want closure?!" Akechi yelled at him, his hands up in the air like the dramatic asshole he always was. He liked him so much despite it all. "You could be happy after everything is over, you could be having a good life. Leave the thief bullshit aside, you already had revenge on Shido. Stop this nonsense!"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Akira couldn't help but laugh, tears rolling down his eyes as he held his stomach and tried to regain his composure. He couldn't comprehend how someone like Akechi could be so oblivious about feelings most of the times. How couldn't he see the way his eyes always searched for him in every crowd?</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Their bond, the way their hands tangled, the way their bodies reacted to the other. It was too obvious yet none of them couldn't admit it yet.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Why are you laughing? Are you making fun of me, Akira?" Akechi's voice was low, everything around him screamed danger but not as much as the way his eyes turned into pitch black.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He removed his glasses to wipe away the tears he held inside since their talk begun, his laughter replacing his sobs as he concealed his sadness with fake giggles. Their bodies were getting close, Akechi's stare felt like a black hole ready to swallow him whole and like a moth attracted to flames Akira let himself be pulled by desire.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Answer me." Akechi's hand closed around his arm as his body pressed him against that freezing alley's wall. Inside Akira flames started to rise, he hated to admit he liked him when he was mad.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He tried to close the gap between their lips but the other pulled back sending a clear message. He had to be completely honest with him. Their sight didn't leave each other's faces, roaming to the lips and back to their eyes. Akira gripped his glasses until his knuckles went white; Akechi asked too much of him.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He was right when he called him pathetic. He wasn't able to express his feelings openly, he wasn't able to accept that his most prominent rival became his most important confidant. Everything happened because he wished for him to be close to him again. He wanted to watch his long hair swing around with the evening's breeze, he craved their discussions and chess sessions at Leblanc, he felt like dying without being able to hold his hand whenever they were alone or kissing him before they said goodbye under the city lights.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Akira sighed, admitting defeat against Akechi's intense gaze. His fingers against his arm started to ache, he wouldn't be surprised if he saw bruises tomorrow.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Goro, I already have my happiness. You being here again was what I always wanted."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The neon lights coloring Akechi's figure perfectly painted the way his eyes engulfed with realization. An unexpected tenderness invaded his pupils before leaning his mouth close enough for Akira to catch it with his. Their lips pressed together in silence, Akechi's hands let go of Akira's arm only to close it in a fist behind his neck, pulling his hair and pushing him closer, teeth clashing before their kiss turned into something closer to a competency.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The snow fell slowly around them, the sidewalks of the city swallowed their sights. Akira's hand cupped Akechi's cheek, his heart exploded when the other leaned closer against his palm; searching for his touch.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Akechi pulled away immediately, probably getting too conscious of their situation but he remained closer to Akira's face.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"You're—" He was cut by Akira, who held him by his shoulders and pushed him against the wall. His mouth crashing his again, continuing their kiss.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Akira could feel Akechi giving up to him, his arms closed around his neck and the grip on his hair turned into a gentle touch. He curled his messy hair around his finger, playing with him. Their discussion set aside for a few seconds, he forgot to fight and contradict him only this time. Akira knew it wasn't a victory but it wasn't too far away from it either.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>They stayed like that for a while, hungry kisses morphing into sweetness like waves crashing back and forth against the sand. There were many things left unsaid falling against the floor as snowflakes, but nobody seemed to pay attention to the coldness around the edges. Little by little it spread all over them, both boys were conscious of their inevitable fate and still, they decided to ignore it.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Akechi’s lips softly pressed against the side of Akira’s mouth as the other tried to catch him again. If Akira opened his eyes, he wouldn’t be surprised of seeing Akechi staring right back at him but he wasn’t ready to face such raw demostration of power. Since their fight at Shido’s palace, he acknowledged Akechi as an equal when it came to dominating Personas but right there with his hands roaming all over his body and his lips sucking on his, his defeat was unavoidable.</p>
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  <p>His phone started buzzing inside his pocket, alerting him and making him jump back for a second that Akechi took as an opportunity to flip their positions around. As Akira took his phone out and tried to read the screen he felt Akechi’s hands pressing his chest as his head lowered to bite on his neck.</p>
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  <p>Teeth went deep under his skin, making him gasp. “What’s that for?” He asked him, putting his glasses back on his face as he unlocked his phone.</p>
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  <p>“You know why,” Akechi pulled back, his hands remained against Akira’s chest making him worry about him being able to feel his heartbeat. “Is Futaba worry that I murdered you?”</p>
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  <p>“Yes, also she says you can still come.”</p>
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  <p>Akechi let out a sinister chuckle, “I’m not going to have dinner with the woman I killed and her daughter.”</p>
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  <p>Akira hummed, he never told Futaba about Akechi being the one who took down her mother. He didn’t know if she knew but if he had to guess, she probably refused to look into details about her ‘accident’. It made him wonder how much chaos and pain Akechi caused in the name of Shido’s cause, his stomach sinked at the thought and he decided to push it back into his mind.</p>
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  <p>Akechi took a step back and Akira started walking again, this time he could feel the other following him across the alley in silence. His phone buzzed with messages and his mind jumped back and forth between the conversation he just had with Akechi and his guilt. He didn’t even know why he felt such a heavy burden chaining his soul; if only he had the chance to meet him earlier.</p>
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  <p>The thing was that he knew most of the atrocities Akechi committed and he still decided to hold his hand every night.</p>
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  <p>His menacing presence behind him contradicted the blush all over both of their lips, leftovers from their kisses in the dark. They were back at the start one more time, just two former enemies walking on empty streets from a fake reality.</p>
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  <p>Their surroundings turned into familiar places, Akira recognized Takemi’s clinic and made a mental note to visit her for some medicine before their trip to the palace. As they approached Leblanc, he could feel Akechi’s steps getting heavier behind him so, he stopped himself right there, in the middle of the street; fully aware of Akechi’s next words before he had the chance to said them out loud.</p>
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  <p>“See you soon.” He didn’t even look at him when he walked past his figure.</p>
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  <p>Akira saw him walk away, head held high, as he was standing there in the solitude of the night. It made him recall their discussion, the bitterness raising inside his stomach reached his throat. The cold breeze chilled him to the bones, he couldn’t comprehend most of the thoughts cruising through his head at the moment, he acknowledged the pain on his chest though. That familiar ache almost felt like a constant into his life but still he couldn’t get used to the agony it inflicted on him.</p>
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  <p>Winter came to crush his frozen feelings, stripping them open and making them bloom. It was only a matter of time until someone realized he couldn’t handle everything by himself. Akira refused to be the one who ripped everyone’s happiness away but for Akechi Goro he was about to commit that crime.</p>
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  <p>He hated throwing pity parties for himself, he recognized that most of the debts hanging over his head were placed there by him and only him. Those were all his choices, his mistakes, his regrets. But now, he couldn’t help but feel he was making the biggest mistake of his life by letting Maruki fall.</p>
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  <p>Akechi’s figure stopped before reaching the corner where he had to turn making Akira’s heart skip a beat. The pain inside him shaked him to the core, he felt like screaming something too heavy to keep carrying on his lungs right there, to let the whole town know, but the black hole on his chest swallowed every word.</p>
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  <p>He remembered that night at the interrogation room, the butterflies warned him about danger as he was only able to imagine the detective opening the door. He would take care of the guard first, one perfect shot — blood splattering against his pretty face. It would’ve been such a delightful sight. Then he would aim for his head, he wondered if his shadow-self looked surprised, if he expressed his heartbreak through his eyes or if he didn’t even looked sentient at all. His mom used to tell him to never trust crows but he never listened to her anyway. Akechi would tell him something about his plan, the gun as cold as his eyes against his forehead, and then he would drop dead after a final bang. His blood kissing his face in the most overdramatic, fateful and twisted love-letter he could ever write.</p>
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  <p>He remembered how he smiled, sitting there all by himself, waiting for Sae to get him out. His shaky hands lifted to caress his own lips as he whispered those three words before letting his head rest against the table; the drugs getting a good hold on him.</p>
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  <p>There weren’t any bullets fired but his sight held the same power as it hit him right on his face again. Akechi didn’t smile and Akira wondered how many times he heard his laughter, the pain scratching him from inside out reminded him it didn’t mind; voices are the first memories you lose once time goes by.</p>
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  <p>Time. If only they had more, he would make sure to record every moment and take him out to that aquarium again. He would say the words he couldn’t say, those he whispered to the four walls where he was almost beaten and drugged to death. Then, maybe then, he could let him go.</p>
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  <p>Akira’s head tilted to a side, a silent inquire to the figure standing in front of him. Rival, ally, traitor, lover but never a regret. It didn’t matter how, he was going to find a way to make him fall into his path again.</p>
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  <p>Akechi nodded like if he could read his mind and Akira doubted his persona’s ability one more time. He didn’t know when but at some point he started to walk at him with the same movements he used when he was in his Joker attire. He raised his hand when he came close enough to touch him, cupping his cheek and kissing him one final time. He lost count of how many debts he owed him now.</p>
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  <p>Akechi’s soft lips pressed against him, a silent plea tearing Akira’s heart strings apart. But once again, he was blinded by his sentimental side — he never predicted the fangs piercing through his bottom lip, blood pouring out.</p>
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  <p>Akira pulled out, a wide devilish smile painted his face as tiny drops rolled down his lip; the pain going numb inside his chest at the thought of their bond not being over yet. And right there, as Akechi turned around and left he could feel the same butterflies once again. That boy is danger they yelled at him, wings in flames as he cleaned the blood from his mouth.</p>
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  <p>But so I am, he replied to them.</p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I got carried away writing this and I enjoyed it A LOT. I hope you enjoyed it, feel free to comment.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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